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I am a hard working, stable life, happily married, PCOS Suffering,TTC,Baby obesssed, Animal loving, nature enjoying, greened thumb, intelligent, trying to figure out what God has in mind for my life kind of woman...

Thursday, September 10, 2009

How to gain terrible friends & keep them longer than you should

I am queen of gaining terrible friends who treat me like dirt and then I cry and wonder why I deserve this. Here is the basic "How-To on gaining terrible friends & keeping them longer than you should" as tested by me...and deserved by me...apparently.

*Look vulnerable, cause you know you are desperate for a good almost beg for ANYONE to be your friend- remember these people can spot you a mile away...make sure you look the part

*Invite the people you see talking smack about their own friends (almost in front of their noses) to be your friend...for some reason you don't know a red flag when its waving and hitting you in the nose

*give out your phone number eagerly so that you can prove how interested you are in being their friend

*Make sure you are the one planning the get togethers, you wouldn't want to inconvenience her by asking her to invite you over every once in a while...she is too good for that, everyone needs to be her friend, she doesn't need them as friends...apparently

* become friends with their friends, aren't friendship/love triangles more fun ?! plus you need to invoke that friendship rivalry that spikes her interest, don't you?

*allow them to talk smack about your spouse/you/ your house/your life/your job/etc whenever they want to, excluding times of trial when you agree with her

* be there for her whenever she could POSSIBLY need you, but when you really need her...let her tell you why she is too busy for you or too good for you

*when you are sad and trying to confide your current problem to her, let her tell you that your feelings aren't valid, or as valid as hers...oh and too add icing to the cake, let her interrupt you and have her tell you all about her "more important"'re not worth listening to anyways.

*let her eat anything and everything (including expensive, specialty items) out of your pantry/fridge when she is visiting, but when you go to her house you know she will tell you to "get your own food before you come" or even if she is nice enough to share, she will give you child size portions. Never can be too giving, eh?

* if her child breaks or ruin's something of yours expect her not to apologize or offer to fix is, after all, your own fault for having nice things

*buy her and her family random gifts when you are out to show you appreciate her and were thinking of her and NEVER EVER expect a thank you

* send thank you cards to her for nice things she has said or done for you, and then expect for her to throw it out right in front of you and tell you how stupid thank you cards are

*let her tell you how stupid your gifts are that you bought her in front of both you and your spouse

*keep food for her picky child in your pantry for when they come to visit and let her tell you how that isn't "good enough"

*Keep toys for children that visit in your house and expect to never hear a thank you for your hospitality/thoughtfulness...cause it's not like you own them for your "invisible child" you couldn't possibly have bought them for this exact circumstance

*expect her to be late to all events you plan together

*Allow her no to not confirm till the last minute, because your time isn't as important as hers

*Tell her about your feelings in the relationship and expect her to blot you out of the picture, instead of coming to a compromise or resolution

* Constantly uplift and praise her for her friendship and expect absolutely ZERO reciprocation

* Allow her to tell you that she is too busy for you

*Allow her to complain about everything, EVERY TIME she is with you

*Allow her to say BLATENLY rude things about you to your face and behind your back and NEVER hold her accountable...heck don't even ever pretend you know she did it, because she will stop being your friend and pretend it's your fault for the breakup

*Allow her to only hang out with you when she has nothing better to do

*Allow them to make your baby making issues the topic of constant condemnation...remember, only people WITH babies are cool-even if it isn't your fault

*let her bag on your religion, but expect that you aren't even allowed to ask harmless questions about her faith...if she even has any

*Allow her to tell you, when you are allowed to be their friends and when you aren't....remember this is a relationship of convenience for her not for you.

*Expect no invites to their life events (birthdays, holidays, graduations etc), only expect excuses on why you wouldn't want to go

*Allow her to tell you how much better she is at EVERYTHING than you are...apparently you have absolutely no strengths...comparatively

* Never expect to hear a "Thanks" or an are below that standard...don't forget it.

* Allow her to blow off plans with you constantly, or "forget" they ever existed; despite the constant reminders

*Let everything be one sided- admit you are AT FAULT for everything, beg for affection-show your desperate side, and cry your heart out when you are weren't good enough for her and you need to come to terms with that.
And last but certainly not least

*Never EVER expect to get back what you put into the relationship. period. If you don't expect it, or even hope for won't hurt you when you find out there is now way you're getting it...right?

Now that I have that small list compiled I would like to turn to my current problem solving method for what I am doing to heal from this. I have started praying everyday from the book "Prayers that avail much". In this book there are specific prayers for just about anything you can think of...and I have been praying for God to bring me true friends. I find it interesting though, in this prayer that there is a little part that talks about being thankful to God for taking the people out of your life that aren't truly your that you don't have to continue to suffer the rejection. When I first started praying this, I was mad even saying the words because I was so hurt...but now I realize what it truly means.

I've come to know: God seems invisible, and sometimes even seems like he doesn't care about things that are the deepest hurts in your heart. God cares about your friendships and your life, even down to the tiniest of details. He does not want you to continue a relationship with someone who is damaging to your self esteem or to your walk with him..if you lost a friend, it's probably because it wasn't a relationship that was good for you. ..and for that I am glad- I praise his Holy name...because Jesus is my real friend, and he would never make me feel like some worldly beings would. Hallelujah!

..and if you think this is you or someone you are probably wrong- or "you're so vain that you probably think this (blog) is about you.

but...on a happier is a pic of my pup...cause at least i know Duncan is a good friend!...and one of my hubby...cause he is so beautiful - to me, can't you see?!!!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

The climb at twilight

Miley Cyrus has changed my view of Hanna Montana. I want to admit I am a Hanna Montana fan ? How would that make me look to the many people I make fun of? with her tween views of checking out the mall and whether a boy is looking at her as sang in her oh so famous songs...I couldn't really relate to what she says , can I?

Maybe her new music I definitely can!!

After hearing her song "the climb" I think I am forced to say I actually like Ms. Montana. Her new "adult-like" perspective is astounding, and I am starting to wonder if I should have been following this girl all along. Now I am not saying she wrote this song, but the delivery was amazing.
I can sing this song and relate it to so many things in my life and I feel it. some music you can bop your head to- agreeing that "girls just want to have fun" or "oops I did it again"...but this song isn't just a meaningless ramble of electronic sound and a hot body to dance on screen...It sounds like she feels it, and even in her somewhat awkward music video she seems like she even means it with her body language.

I remember watching myself in vids or old pics and the times where I almost looked the most awkward...were the times when I truly was expressing what I felt inside. So I have to applaud her for this sign showing her maturation into adulthood. She has captivated me as a listener. Now why do I feel so "poetic" about this video?! It reminds me of my life as a Christian...If I want to truly follow God I will be so much of what the world hates. I see this everyday in the way I seems the more I am what God wants me to be, the more people look at me as an outsider, and it has been really tough for me to find where I fit in. The devil hates everyone and he would like nothing more but to condemn everyone and keep them from being with God. He wants you to feel like an outsider and like no one likes you...he wants you to feel like you are being a "bible thumper" and taking things too much into the extremes. Satan would like nothing more than for you to give up to the peer pressure and leave Gods direction and go with his perverted ideas of what you should act/be like. He tricks you by saying "don't be extreme, everyone is doing it and it is should too- or guess what? you won't be cool...common' it's the most popular thing right now- it will help you get friends"!

Now, we must remember that the devil is crafty and manipulative...he can take something that seems harmless and innocent with "just that one tiny bad thing in it" and let it transform your mind. He lures you in with (lets use twilight as an example) a nice happy storyline such as a romance and then interjects things like vampirism (a monster, who sucks blood from their victims for food..later killing the animal- which in real life we can only put example of things that do this...and they are cults- demonic cults- which any logical person would see as a bad thing...cults = Satan = evil = hell) People may not even truly realize what they are reading, nor analyze it because of the lure of a good descriptive story teller or the lure of a romance that seems forbidden. Satan will use anything that seems good and true, to lure to you what is evil and will keep you from entering the gates of heaven. He wants you to think "it's no big deal- it's just a fiction novel" so that he can plant the seeds in your brain. Not only that, but if you start by accepting small things, it is only a matter of time before the weeds will take over to the point where you don't even know right from wrong anymore since your garden (your brain) will be so mangled. God wants you to be strong and stand up for what is good and just now...and not accept "the little" bad things, so that you will not have clouded judgments later...God does not want Satan's deceitful tricks to influence you.

Wait a minute...rewind that----lets recap! How does he do it? By making bad things seem fun and popular and beautiful and pure- little bits at a time so you are most likely not to even realize what you are getting into before it's too late. Most people can't deal with the pressure of choosing the right thing and looking un popular doing it- or worse feeling that way so they allow themselves to engage in these things, thinking little harm could come of them- and then they end up polluting their temples (the beautiful mind/soul God gave you) and giving in to something that they weren't really aware was going to be a trap.

The other day I was on one of my favorite forums and someone posted about a book series called twilight. The person talked about how it is getting out of hand, this craze has gotten to the point that it is everywhere: tee shirts, Barbie dolls, and now even gothic makeup to make you look like the vampire characters in the movie.. Thinking someone out there has to have the moral conviction that I do-( I thought someone would agree with me, and I could maybe put the thought out there for others to ponder about if they should really be reading this series) I posted about why I thought it was getting out of hand and how evil I thought it was and I named my reasons based on (what I thought) was normal human reasoning and biblical text.

What happened next actually astonished me...I had about 10 or so pregnant women cursing me out, calling me names, threatening me..etc within about 2.7 seconds. I couldn't believe that because I disagreed with the content in a book - and how the masses are being swayed into believing this fantasy is not harmful- that people would curse me out and actually threaten me (calling my way worse than a "bible thumper", although that is what they referred to me the most as) These women were cursing me out over a BOOK!! They were so into it, that they treated my extremely knowledgeable and civil comments as if i were making an attack on a family member or child of theirs...they went NUTS!! As I went to some of these girls profiles, I could understand why they felt that way, since most of them were probably raised in God hating broken homes, and now we're creating broken homes themselves..but no matter-even though I should have expected the worldly reactions...I was surprised.

Now I really don't want to stir up trouble in my own blog about the reasons I feel that twilight is a bad series..(and yes I have plenty of stable answers) but this is my example of how difficult it is - even on such a small subject as a book series, to maintain my God given moral code, and fit in with the world.
Unless you are like me, you have no idea how many times just doing what I think God would have me do- or sticking up for what I think God would want me to say....has made me quite the unpopular person. It seems the more moral I try to be to please God, the more the world hates me...and it doesn't help when you already have the normal insecurities...let alone people going out of their way to beat you down for your opinion, completely degrade you, and then degrade your God. That's when i have to remember that God may be using me and others like me in a way i don't understand yet...i am still walking my uphill battle... My point here is, is that like this song...learning what God wants in your life is "always gonna be an uphill battle" you are going to have to fight against EVERYTHING that Satan is throwing your way...but that is what makes you close to Jesus...that is what makes the relationship strong. "The climb" is what God wanted us to experience, he wanted us to gain this knowledge through working with him and trying to do the right thing, so in the end- we will see how much we have been through and why it was SOOO worth it to be with him. "sometimes (I am ) gonna have to lose"(by going against the popular worldly opinion and standing for what God wants) and I think it won't feel great worldly, but I know Jesus will see it as a win....and it isn't about "how fast I get there" I think Christ likes to see us grow and mature...for me this is about God, but for you it can be about anything troubling you are dealing with...
and FYI it might not just be about the struggle to fit in with the could be about so many other things that are so hard in life like: addictions, infertility, mental illness strongholds, family issues, work relationships, etc.

I've come to know: No matter what you are dealing with, sometimes it is about the climb not the end destination. What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger- right? on a side note: I will not let my children read the Twilight series, but I think I will let my children listen to Hannah Montana aka Miley

oh here are the words in case you wanted to see them- and the video!

The Climb lyricsS
ongwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels-Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down-But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on'

Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!T

here's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, babyIt's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Thursday, June 11, 2009

A friend in need; deserves a friend indeed!- a lesson on love

A friend of mine and I were talking about her feeling like she might be having issues emotionally reconnecting to her spouse and so I decided to do a little research on the topic.

With my schooling in Psychology, I thought about the ways relationships tend to change over time (and my female friends would agree after marriage) As I have seen myself (and experienced) there tends to be quite the change in dynamics of a relationship once the couple has become "too comfortable"- now we are not talking too comfortable in a "I can do my makeup in the bathroom, while he uses the restroom" or "sometimes we have burping contests" comfortable. The sort of comfort level I am talking about I like to refer to as the "I already got you-what else do I need to do" syndrome.

Don’t get comfortable in the way I am about to talk about... this is the kind of comfortable that can ruin relationships...

Feeling emotional unconnected to your spouse? Read on...

To describe what I am speaking about above I would use the example that sometimes, once you have been with someone for a while, you exit the "dating stage". Now the "dating stage" I am referring to is where you are constantly doing everything in your power to prove your affections to the person you are courting.

IE: buying flowers, writing love notes/sentiments, gift giving, sharing common interests and goals etc. Once you leave that stage in the relationship things get much more serious and people tend to focus more on things like: expanding the family, career goals, home purchasing, bills, politics, etc. Things which can cause emotional separation if delved upon too intensely. When your focus shifts, once you have entered this stage you tend to rely on your partner more as a co owner/decision maker; rather than your partner/confidant- you think of them in more of a business type of relationship rather than the healthy spiritually bonded relationship you were meant to have.

Making this emotional separation from your partner (like I said in an intense way) causes you to put aside the things that were once important in fundamental building blocks for the foundation of your marriage/LTR (long term relationship).
I think that people get so engrossed in the Ebb & Flo of daily life that they either neglect the emotional ties out of frustration from something their partner is doing, forget to do those things because they consider their partner "already bought" and don’t even put a thought into the emotional upkeep, or are so far stretched from the original bond to their partner that they give up....All which are detrimental to the relationship.

The 1st scenario is detrimental to the functionality of the relationship because you are not being communicative to your partner. Instead of talking to your partner about your feelings of resentment and working out a plan to get past them, you decide to emotionally punish them- which will never help you- to get over this you need to let up your grudges, forgive/ forget all (like Jesus does for us) and move along to much happier outcome.
The 2nd scenario is detrimental to the functionality of the relationship because you can never EVER give your partner enough affection- remember that is what built this relationship in the first place!

Some people get lazy and think that since they did all the lovey-dovey stuff in the beginning, that those things were all that were required to get you and keep you INITIALLY, and now have stopped that behavior because you have been won over. What are needed in this situation are 3 things-

1. Open up the communication again and tell your partner how you are feeling

2. don’t do 50/50 in your relationship- do 100/100: meaning give your partner your full attention/love/devotion (even if it is not reciprocated right away, it will be- "sound like killing with kindness"? sort of is) make sure you are doing everything in your power to make sure that your partner is emotionally full...think of your partner like a bucket...don’t just put in "drops of kindness" find out what will "turn the hose on" in your partners mind to make them feel like the love is flowing out of you with no real end....even an overflowing bucket will help the flowers to bloom!!

3. Remind your partner what it is you need in the relationship to feel emotionally connected- NO ONE IS A MIND READER (despite what all these wiccan/witch/magical people say on TV) tell your partner what you want, and chances are you will see improvement, because they will know what you want first and foremost, and secondly know what they can do to help you.

The 3rd scenario is detrimental to the functionality of the relationship because one or both partners have completely given up on using their social skills to communicate their needs with one another and has not even tried to revive the relationship or has tried verbally, but not this case I would suggest using the advice of a good church councilor to help rebuild the foundation of your relationship, because what your relationship needs is a game plan that this out looker can help you develop before you put yourself in "manual override"- which could result in a crash n' burn scenario.
In any of these scenarios, I encourage you to be faithful and not worry- God has joined you together in marriage and he will help you to save it-or at least nourish it- if you want the help.

Side note: Prayer is the best ally in any possible development of a relationship- USE IT!!

Now aside from just asking your spouse what they need emotionally to survive in the relationship I suggest a few tools to use.

One of them happens to be a self help book to develop a sense of who you are- and what you want...because sometimes it is hard to tell a spouse what you need, if you don’t really know. Another slightly easier suggestion is reading a book by Dr. Gary Chapman called "The five love languages”: this book tells you about the five ways that each person interprets acts as love
1. Words of affirmation- positively uplifting your spouse verbally "honey you are such a good, dad"
2. Quality time-arranging and enjoying activities with your spouse (gardening, sports, cooking)
3. Recieving gifts- giving/making presents for your spouse (flowers, chocolates)

4. Acts of service- providing an act that shows your care (doing the dishes, taking care of
Laundry, paying the bills)

5. Physical touch- making sure you are physically connected (massages, hand holding, brushing hair out of another’s face)

I loved these examples of ways to interpret love; because each person can relate to at least one of these and can tell their mate which ones they need displayed from the other partner to feel loved- to feel like their "love bucket" is full- if not overflowing. :0)

I have also compiled a list of things you can do to connect to your spouse below:

- Go on dates ( take time to go to the movies, play mini golf, eat at a romantic restaurant)

- Do hobbies or activates that you both enjoy- TOGETHER (gardening, sports, crafts)

- Find out what each others love language is, and exhibit it 100/100 ( physical touch, gifts)

- Take 2-5 un-interrupted minutes a day to stare into each others eyes (pheromones are released causing a chemical bond with your spouse)

- Pray together and/or do a daily devotional together at the start/end or both of your day (this will create not just one on one time, but God is a pretty big ally in this all

- Talk positively about your spouse in public (studies show that when you say positive things about your spouse with an audience, you are more likely to want to do it often- plus you appreciate your spouse more)

· -Seek council, everyone is broken- and everyone should work under the guidance of a mentor or councilor- you are not perfect nor is your spouse and everyone could use a little direction

· -Joke with one another (tickle your spouse or create personal jokes to form a better bond with them)

· -Know the difference between a task that can wait and a task that cant (set aside ones that could be done later, to make intimate time for your spouse)
· -Pick your battles ( only argue/discuss things with your partner that will really make a difference- no reason to argue over spilled milk)

- Be patient ( if marriage were easy, no one would get divorced...realize that it is a growing process and be happy with the progress both you and your spouse are making)

· -Don’t over think things ( anxiety can cause un needed strain on your relationship- take some things at face value, and move along)

· -Don’t guess your partners motives ( communicate with them if you are ever unsure of what they are thinking...a wrong guess could cause catastrophe)

· And last but not least….Don’t forget to love love LOVE them...and constantly try and find new ways to do that!!

Some of the inhibitors of gaining a great relationship with your spouse:

- A friendship that your spouse feels is emotionally unfaithful

- flirting

- Excessive TV watching

- Excessive computer game playing

- A hobby or interest that is invading your bonding time with your spouse/family
- Excessive work hours

- Excessively friendly touching, hugging, or kissing of friends

- withholding sex from your partner

- holding grudges

- Extreme jealousy

- An addiction problem

- being selfish

- Lack of communication

- Etc

I hope that you all find this information extremely helpful, and decide to use some of it for the greater good of your relationship. Remember everyone could be loved more than they are...and every relationship could get better.

I’ve come to know: There are so many ways to connect/ reconnect to your partner. All you need is prayer, drive and information!!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

The truth about cats & dogs (a borrowed sentiment)

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!12:00 PM – Lunch! My favorite thing!1:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!3:00 PM – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!5:00 PM – Milk bones! My favorite thing!7:00 PM – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!8:00 PM – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Day 983 of my captivity.My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
Ive come to know: Even a stolen blog that i definately didnt make up, yet has all the relevance to my animals is still freaking hilarious!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

do a dallop, do do a dallop- of doris!! do a dallop of doris day!!

So i got brave...not only did i get brave, but i got lazy. My cousin is a beautician, my mother was one, i have like 3 friends that do i know how to do hair...and i usually do my own. Trusting another person with my hair (my lively hood, i should really call it) is one thing i just don't do.

But i got desperate this hair had grown out so much cause i didn't want chemicals in my head being pregnant (hell, plus i am poor) and with the colour grow out...goes also the style grow out, making my hair styles even more unique since i had to imagine things to do with my beginning to look "scraggly hair" and anyone who knows me, knows i cant stand the look of flat scraggly hair.
so for my bday, my in laws gave me money for hair...actually everyone pretty much gave me money...and i gave in...i gave in and sat in the chemical strained room and let someone i never met nervously cut my hair while i gabbed about my own latest family woes.
so that part was pretty boring, she didn't let the toner sit in my hair long enough, but all in all she did a better job than most ditsy girls that have tried before. I might just use her again...
so ne ways...the point i need to get to in this blog is that i posted the pic on my facebook account cause i was tired of looking at this nasty tagged one of me off of a friends profile and i got a comment that said i looked like Doris Day...
hmm, "an old lady" was my first thought....but then as i started going through the pics on google, i found a few that i sort of looked like: the high cheekbones, the huge brow, the soft light skin, the blond fried wavy hair, the spacing between our facial features is also similar, not to mention the big Ole' k9 teeth of ours....
well at least she isn't that bad looking, and she was a famous actress?? so that has to count for something...right?
people have told me my whole life i look like drew Barrymore...but now i think they are crazy i look more like Doris day. its kind of nice hearing someone say something somewhat decent about my pic for once...i mean, hey, they didn't compare my looks to Rosie o Donnell or opera, or Kristie Allie (fat people) so i need to be good with that.
Ive come to know: i look like a 40's actress; which means i am classy, right???

Monday, May 25, 2009

This must be the vaile of the faeries...

Today when i arose i could see the light peering in through my blinds... i tried to hide my tired eyes from the wisps of sunlight. I dreamt of rolling rivers and the abundance of fish caught on my stick rod fishing pole and tried to grasp all the beauty of my vivid dream as i awoke and started my day. As the dream slowly drifted away from my mind i began my normal routine...back to reality...back to normalcy.

But during the day i just couldn't help continuing to go back to my dream and remembering what it was like to be a child and have all the magic surround you in your normal daily adventures. I thought about how happy most children are just to carouse and play in the sun and how simplicity ruled their little lives, but that is the way they liked it.

No work schedules, society rules, traffic jams, dropped calls, time constraints, weight management, political views...nothing noteworthy compared to the flowers in bloom , the moist feeling of a dogs tongue on your cheek or the river calling your name.

i decided it was time for an adventure of my own....i needed a childlike euphoria, and i needed it right now.

So camera in hand i trekked out into my pasture, and amazed myself with the landscaping of our growing garden, the capabilities of a tree that would be the perfect place for a swing or a tree house, the "wheat" long and flowing in the afternoon breeze, and my favorite....the Vaile of the faeries...

The vaile of the faeries is a part in my wooded area where a creek used to run, and still does run when it is rainy....the whole creek bed twists and turns and is the perfect place for the creeping bell flower to bloom. I thought for a moment on the whims of a child and imagined what it would have been like if faeries were real. I pictured myself sneaking up quietly enough that i caught one of the faeries before she could disappear.... oh the adventures we would have had.

i continuously found things i could take pictures of and things i wanted to remember forever, things that made me feel the magic of this kingdom that i rent for 1100 a month...i felt so blessed and realised that i had been praying this whole time thanking God for the blessing he gave me, not just me, this whole world in the beautiful surroundings that we as adults take for granted on a daily basis.

Ive come to know: Whether or not faeries live in my yard, or if i will ever swing from the birches like Hemingway talks about....i need to be thankful for all the beautiful things God has created for my enjoyment...and i need to not take them for granted...ever!!Matthew 18:3 (NIV) And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Friday, May 22, 2009

darn darn darn, burning ring o' fire

what is she talking about; u all think... the short answer??? my stinkin' bread
I have been "Suzie Homemaker" ever since i have been unemployed: cleaning, cooking, and "trying" to be barefoot & pregnant. Part of mrs. Homemakers job is to make sure that her family eats healthy, and i decided that it would be much healthier to make our own bread rather than the 5 dollar store bought stuff with all those preservatives. So i started making bread from scratch and found out that it is UBER MESSY and almost wrecks my whole kitchen with the "shower powder"...then i started getting desperate for a breadmaker and while garage sale-ing i found one for 5 dollars!! I was elated, untill i tried it at home and it started making weird noises that made Nicholbee (the cat) growl....(cats growling is another story) and then Dunkie (the pug) starts howling and doing his famous "circles" around my kitchen.
low and breadmaker has caught on fire....apparently an issue with the ring that warms the pan in the maker ( ring o' fire) So it was totally awesome to think that i was about to leave to go to the beach and then find out things are catching fire in my kitchen....what if i would have left??? The house burning down would have been quite the cherry on my cupcake of crappy circumstances lately. ug
so i let that be the past and with my birthday gift monies i wanted to relive the "bread dream" and buy another maker- this time shiney and new. CAN YOU GUESS WHAT HAPPENED??? could you not? I made one successful loaf of hawaiian sweet bread, but this morning when i made another loaf....jay has to come into the computer room to tell me that this breadmaker is on fire as well...AWESOMENESS!!!
So i get to take it back to the store as well as a toaster that we had under a 2 yr warranty that crapped out...and i am thinking this whole time about what jay says about God's intervention in things. Jay was trying to tell me that God has a hand in EVERTHING...and was telling me that if some things dont happen as i want them to, when i want them is because it is not God's will at that time...
so i turned it around on him this morning, trying to teach him, that yes; God does have divine intervention in our lives, but- he gave us free will and we are reapers of our actions....which means that we can choose our outcomes sometimes and we will have to deal with that.
for example: God does not think i should not be a breadmaker. He does not make my breadmakers catch on fire to tell me that i should not bake nor eat bread. This is just coincidence....maybe i can even learn another thing from the bread....maybe i can learn that even if God does intervene and tells us it isnt the right time to do something...he still wants us to have goals and work towards them, he wants us to be overcomers and show (maybe) how much we want something and are willing to do anything to get it...
so as i am finishing this post, i wonder, if this is really about my bread or my internal struggle to keep on keeping on with the things i feel are holding me back. Thank you to God for showing me a lesson with my crappy breadmakers.
Ive come to know: God wants me to be happy, and he wants to bless me...i just need to be more patient than i am... and i also can make bread without a maker...and that bread attracts crowds!! go me!!


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