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I am a hard working, stable life, happily married, PCOS Suffering,TTC,Baby obesssed, Animal loving, nature enjoying, greened thumb, intelligent, trying to figure out what God has in mind for my life kind of woman...

Thursday, September 10, 2009

How to gain terrible friends & keep them longer than you should

I am queen of gaining terrible friends who treat me like dirt and then I cry and wonder why I deserve this. Here is the basic "How-To on gaining terrible friends & keeping them longer than you should" as tested by me...and deserved by me...apparently.

*Look vulnerable, cause you know you are desperate for a good almost beg for ANYONE to be your friend- remember these people can spot you a mile away...make sure you look the part

*Invite the people you see talking smack about their own friends (almost in front of their noses) to be your friend...for some reason you don't know a red flag when its waving and hitting you in the nose

*give out your phone number eagerly so that you can prove how interested you are in being their friend

*Make sure you are the one planning the get togethers, you wouldn't want to inconvenience her by asking her to invite you over every once in a while...she is too good for that, everyone needs to be her friend, she doesn't need them as friends...apparently

* become friends with their friends, aren't friendship/love triangles more fun ?! plus you need to invoke that friendship rivalry that spikes her interest, don't you?

*allow them to talk smack about your spouse/you/ your house/your life/your job/etc whenever they want to, excluding times of trial when you agree with her

* be there for her whenever she could POSSIBLY need you, but when you really need her...let her tell you why she is too busy for you or too good for you

*when you are sad and trying to confide your current problem to her, let her tell you that your feelings aren't valid, or as valid as hers...oh and too add icing to the cake, let her interrupt you and have her tell you all about her "more important"'re not worth listening to anyways.

*let her eat anything and everything (including expensive, specialty items) out of your pantry/fridge when she is visiting, but when you go to her house you know she will tell you to "get your own food before you come" or even if she is nice enough to share, she will give you child size portions. Never can be too giving, eh?

* if her child breaks or ruin's something of yours expect her not to apologize or offer to fix is, after all, your own fault for having nice things

*buy her and her family random gifts when you are out to show you appreciate her and were thinking of her and NEVER EVER expect a thank you

* send thank you cards to her for nice things she has said or done for you, and then expect for her to throw it out right in front of you and tell you how stupid thank you cards are

*let her tell you how stupid your gifts are that you bought her in front of both you and your spouse

*keep food for her picky child in your pantry for when they come to visit and let her tell you how that isn't "good enough"

*Keep toys for children that visit in your house and expect to never hear a thank you for your hospitality/thoughtfulness...cause it's not like you own them for your "invisible child" you couldn't possibly have bought them for this exact circumstance

*expect her to be late to all events you plan together

*Allow her no to not confirm till the last minute, because your time isn't as important as hers

*Tell her about your feelings in the relationship and expect her to blot you out of the picture, instead of coming to a compromise or resolution

* Constantly uplift and praise her for her friendship and expect absolutely ZERO reciprocation

* Allow her to tell you that she is too busy for you

*Allow her to complain about everything, EVERY TIME she is with you

*Allow her to say BLATENLY rude things about you to your face and behind your back and NEVER hold her accountable...heck don't even ever pretend you know she did it, because she will stop being your friend and pretend it's your fault for the breakup

*Allow her to only hang out with you when she has nothing better to do

*Allow them to make your baby making issues the topic of constant condemnation...remember, only people WITH babies are cool-even if it isn't your fault

*let her bag on your religion, but expect that you aren't even allowed to ask harmless questions about her faith...if she even has any

*Allow her to tell you, when you are allowed to be their friends and when you aren't....remember this is a relationship of convenience for her not for you.

*Expect no invites to their life events (birthdays, holidays, graduations etc), only expect excuses on why you wouldn't want to go

*Allow her to tell you how much better she is at EVERYTHING than you are...apparently you have absolutely no strengths...comparatively

* Never expect to hear a "Thanks" or an are below that standard...don't forget it.

* Allow her to blow off plans with you constantly, or "forget" they ever existed; despite the constant reminders

*Let everything be one sided- admit you are AT FAULT for everything, beg for affection-show your desperate side, and cry your heart out when you are weren't good enough for her and you need to come to terms with that.
And last but certainly not least

*Never EVER expect to get back what you put into the relationship. period. If you don't expect it, or even hope for won't hurt you when you find out there is now way you're getting it...right?

Now that I have that small list compiled I would like to turn to my current problem solving method for what I am doing to heal from this. I have started praying everyday from the book "Prayers that avail much". In this book there are specific prayers for just about anything you can think of...and I have been praying for God to bring me true friends. I find it interesting though, in this prayer that there is a little part that talks about being thankful to God for taking the people out of your life that aren't truly your that you don't have to continue to suffer the rejection. When I first started praying this, I was mad even saying the words because I was so hurt...but now I realize what it truly means.

I've come to know: God seems invisible, and sometimes even seems like he doesn't care about things that are the deepest hurts in your heart. God cares about your friendships and your life, even down to the tiniest of details. He does not want you to continue a relationship with someone who is damaging to your self esteem or to your walk with him..if you lost a friend, it's probably because it wasn't a relationship that was good for you. ..and for that I am glad- I praise his Holy name...because Jesus is my real friend, and he would never make me feel like some worldly beings would. Hallelujah!

..and if you think this is you or someone you are probably wrong- or "you're so vain that you probably think this (blog) is about you.

but...on a happier is a pic of my pup...cause at least i know Duncan is a good friend!...and one of my hubby...cause he is so beautiful - to me, can't you see?!!!


Jessica said...

It sounds like you are really hurt, and I am so sorry for this. I will IM you after I put Kayden to sleep, so if you need to just vent feel free. In the meantime, I will be praying for you! On a better note, the pictures are great! They are so clear and the bokeh is wonderful!

Fertility Chick said...

With friends like that, who needs enemies, eh?! I'm sorry that you're hurting and have been hurt by those who called themselves "friends." I've been there too - and it really hurts.

Hope venting on here has helped some.

We have lots in common! I have pugs too! I have PCOS as well (though that's not as exciting as pugs).

Hang in there. Thinking about you.

Valerie @ Frugal Family Fun Blog said...

Oh, I am so sorry to hear you have been let down like this. ((((hugs)))) With this "loser friendship" gone, I know you'll have room for real friends to come into your life. Duncan and your hubby are a very good start!

Hillary said...

I am so sorry! Your list is so sad. :( I said a prayer that God would bless you with some new, wonderful friendships!

InfertileNaomi said...

You should just make friends with all your infertile Twitter and Blogger pals. We are nice gals!

Constance said...

Whoa. Is it bad this list makes me feel like a good person? I don't do any of these (at least to my knowledge) Phew.

Jessica said...

I am so sorry you are going through this! It's so hard to figure out who your true friends are, sometimes. Drop the mean ones and hold onto those good ones!

Hope Endures said...

I am so sorry that someone has hurt you like this! Praying that God will bring some TRUE friends into your life - people who will support and love on you.

BTW, I just wanted to say that I so appreciate you! It always makes me smile when I see that you've stopped by my blog. Sorry I haven't been able to be a better reader - now that I have a working computer again, I'm hoping to change that!! But even if I haven't been able to stop by often - you've been on my mind and in my prayers a lot.

Oh, and I love the pic of Duncan :)

Hope Endures said...

Just checking in to see how you're doing! Thinking of you and praying for you much :)

Hillary said...

Hi AC ~ I don't know if you'll get this since you haven't updated your blog in a while...but thanks for your sweet comments on my blog. I really appreciate your support!

To answer your question, I'm not Seventh Day Adventist. We go to a non-denominational church. :)


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